Common Trash: Studded Faces and Turkey Tattoos

"The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos." -Author Unknown

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It seems like everyday I'm out I notice more individuals with tattoos and body piercings. It has become a huge trend, especially with young adults and teens. I have seen body parts pierced that I didn't even know you COULD penetrate with a needle, and tattoos that get more ridiculous by the minute. People apparently do not put a lot of thought into their decision when it comes to how they treat their body. You would think a permanent addition to their flesh would phase them, but it doesn't.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a badass tattoo. As long as it is well thought out, and has sentimental value to it. I see pointless tattoos too often. The classic 'tribal' band that so many men think is cool. Which always has me raising the question to (in most cases) caucasian  individual who has it- 'What tribe are you from, Tyler?'..... Then there is the classic butterfly tattoo that every other chick has, and here is how this conversation goes:

Me: Wow... Great tattoo (sarcasm), why did you get that tattoo?
Them: I got it because I TOTALLY love butterflies!
Me: Cool, what is your favorite species of butterflies?
Them: Ummm, I like the regular kind...

People obviously don't understand that when you alter your body like that it is with you forever. It affects you for the rest of your life. Changes like this have a chain reaction. It will determine how you are viewed in the public eye and social setting. Where you will be accepted in a workplace. And how your body looks everytime you look in the mirror.

The body changes everyday. You grow older- you get more fat, wrinkly, and hairy with time. This is especially true with women. Your body goes through changes that are even more drastic than men. We are the ovens for the babies we pop out of our pink panthers. Your stomach will endure more stretching out than a korean prostitutes va-jay at a weekend business seminar in LA. You might think the cute, small dove tattoo you get on your lower stomach was a good idea when you were skinny, and in your twenties. But as soon as you get knocked up and your stomach grows- that dove is going to look like a goddamn turkey! Not such a great plan now- right?...

As far as piercings go, I only find two places acceptable. Your ears, and your tongue. Ears, because it is traditional and isn't distracting. Tongue, because a stud is easily concealed, and is great for when you're going downtown on your boning buddy. Facial piercings aren't attractive, in any cirumstance. It started with the lip, nose, and eyebrow piercings. Then it expanded to the 'Marilyn Monroe' piercing- which is on the upper lip like a beauty mark. Then I started seeing the dimple piercings. Along with studs underneath the eye, in between the eyebrows- and the most ridiculous one is right above the tit...on the chest. What the fuck kind of shit is that? I get so annoyed by these off the wall piercings that I'm tempted to call up Magneto (google if you're a non-geek) because I know he would have a fucking blast throwing their metal faces around. I don't know about you guys, but I honestly cannot take someone seriously when they have so many facial piercings they look like they're about to audition for the role of 'Pinhead' in the remake of "Hellraiser"...

Unless you want to work at Hot Topic, a tattoo parlor, or a fast-food chain for the rest of your life- you should probably hold back on the tattoos and piercings. It might seem like a great plan now- but your body will tell you otherwise years down the road when you can't even recognize what your tattoos are anymore.

For those of you who are going to get a tattoo regardless of what I say, I will leave you with a few tips:

1) If you're fat, do not get tattoos on your back[fat], stomach, or chest. We all prefer to not see stretch marks in your tattoos.

2) Do not get tattoos about a culture or religion if you do not practice that culture or religion, it makes you look like a retard plug and it's extremely offensive.

3) Do not get tattoos on your face- the only character that can pull that off any facial decoration is 'Scar' from "The Lion King".. and that is because it's a paradigm to his role in the movie!

4) Tramp stamps are so 2000- Guys know it's just a place to aim, so get creative and start writing messages on the small of your back for him instead. It is cheaper, and washable!

5) NEVER get someone's name tattooed on your body. The only time I would advise that, is if they're dead. Then that person is less likely to fuck you over.

It's simple, ladies and gentleman. If you want to get a tattoo, make sure it has meaning and you aren't rushing into it. Once you get a tat, you can't go back! That shit is permanent. If you feel as if getting a tattoo would make you more of an individual- you're fucking ignorant. If you want to be an individual, you would go out and make your mark in the world by doing something noble- not by getting a tattoo. And if you're so inclined to be penetrated by a needle, donate blood- don't get a tat.

Until next time, peace out bitches. =)

Inspiration for this blog: Corey Schortzmann