"Of all the animals, man is the one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it." -Mark Twain
***
Our topic for today is FFA (Future Farmers of America). So grab your mason jars filled with moonshine and strap on your cowboy boots! Let's get this barn party started!
Central California is land infested with livestock and produce. Unfortunately, FFA members come with the territory if you plan on inhabiting one of these ridiculous cow towns. It is easy to spot one of the members. They travel around in packs, like some demented cult. With their blue jackets, lifted trucks, and the annoying sound of country music nearby- how can you miss them?
The entire process is quite sick. Each member has their choice of livestock. They take care of them as if they are their own pets. Feed them, bathe them, and some even name them.
Top 3 Offensive Livestock Names I've Herd (hahahaha):
1) Bacon Bits
2) Dinner
3) Money
Then they fatten them up (because the animals are sold by the pound) and auction them off. They parade them around on stage like a piece of meat, literally- then sell their 'pets' to the highest bidder.
This gives an entirely new look at 'dirty money'. When you take a living, breathing creature and sell it for profit- you aren't any better than a pimp. They do the exact same thing. Maybe they don't see the blood on the money they gladly accept?
It is hard to comprehend how the majority of the FFA members feel no connection to their animals. They raise them as they would any other pet, but then give them the (cowboy) boot for a quick buck. Household pets wouldn't be in the same position as their livestock. They wouldn't put a price on Old Yeller; Lassie; or Beethoven. But as soon as Bessie; Wilbur; and Seabiscuit come along all they can see are dollar signs. $$$$$$$. It's disgusting and corrupt.
If proudly parading the animals on stage so they can quicken their inevitable death wasn't enough... the FFA also include the animals in their twisted games- like Cow Pie Bingo. In this game, a bingo chart is drawn in chalk in a field. Then a cow is placed in the area of the chart to see where it is going to drop it's 'cow patty/pie'. Individuals are allowed to bet on which square they believe the cow will crap on, and whoever picks the correct square receives a prize. It's demeaning to animals and a sick activity to participate in. I wonder how members of the FFA would feel if the roles were reversed, and they were substituted for the game. I can see it now- FFA Pie Bingo: See where the blue jacket cult drops their dump! I'm sure they wouldn't be as amused by this activity if they were the ones shitting on a bingo chart- exposed to everyone.
The FFA would be screwed if animals were to ever take over. Can you imagine if it went all Animal Farm up in this bitch? I'd love to see Bessie parading a blue jacket jerk on stage, and see how much they go for.
I understand that there will always be a demand for livestock. They are beneficial to society in many ways. Regardless, I will still find the objective and activities of the FFA corrupt. It shouldn't be socially acceptable to put a price on ANY living creature. Animals are aren't human, I know. But they have a brain and heart, just like us. They don't deserve to be treated like a piece of meat- even if that is their fate.
It's simple, ladies and gentleman. Put yourself in the animals hooves (shoes). Treat them with some dignity since their days are numbered. I highly doubt you would want to be put in the situations you make them endure. So give them a fucking break. Stop dressing them up for your 'Ladies and Lads' competition; don't make them shit on a bingo chart; and stop using them as a form of amusement. What goes around comes around- I'd hate to see your cow bite you in the ass.
Until next time, peace out bitches. =)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Common Trash: Studded Faces and Turkey Tattoos
"The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos." -Author Unknown
***
It seems like everyday I'm out I notice more individuals with tattoos and body piercings. It has become a huge trend, especially with young adults and teens. I have seen body parts pierced that I didn't even know you COULD penetrate with a needle, and tattoos that get more ridiculous by the minute. People apparently do not put a lot of thought into their decision when it comes to how they treat their body. You would think a permanent addition to their flesh would phase them, but it doesn't.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a badass tattoo. As long as it is well thought out, and has sentimental value to it. I see pointless tattoos too often. The classic 'tribal' band that so many men think is cool. Which always has me raising the question to (in most cases) caucasian individual who has it- 'What tribe are you from, Tyler?'..... Then there is the classic butterfly tattoo that every other chick has, and here is how this conversation goes:
Me: Wow... Great tattoo (sarcasm), why did you get that tattoo?
Them: I got it because I TOTALLY love butterflies!
Me: Cool, what is your favorite species of butterflies?
Them: Ummm, I like the regular kind...
People obviously don't understand that when you alter your body like that it is with you forever. It affects you for the rest of your life. Changes like this have a chain reaction. It will determine how you are viewed in the public eye and social setting. Where you will be accepted in a workplace. And how your body looks everytime you look in the mirror.
The body changes everyday. You grow older- you get more fat, wrinkly, and hairy with time. This is especially true with women. Your body goes through changes that are even more drastic than men. We are the ovens for the babies we pop out of our pink panthers. Your stomach will endure more stretching out than a korean prostitutes va-jay at a weekend business seminar in LA. You might think the cute, small dove tattoo you get on your lower stomach was a good idea when you were skinny, and in your twenties. But as soon as you get knocked up and your stomach grows- that dove is going to look like a goddamn turkey! Not such a great plan now- right?...
As far as piercings go, I only find two places acceptable. Your ears, and your tongue. Ears, because it is traditional and isn't distracting. Tongue, because a stud is easily concealed, and is great for when you're going downtown on your boning buddy. Facial piercings aren't attractive, in any cirumstance. It started with the lip, nose, and eyebrow piercings. Then it expanded to the 'Marilyn Monroe' piercing- which is on the upper lip like a beauty mark. Then I started seeing the dimple piercings. Along with studs underneath the eye, in between the eyebrows- and the most ridiculous one is right above the tit...on the chest. What the fuck kind of shit is that? I get so annoyed by these off the wall piercings that I'm tempted to call up Magneto (google if you're a non-geek) because I know he would have a fucking blast throwing their metal faces around. I don't know about you guys, but I honestly cannot take someone seriously when they have so many facial piercings they look like they're about to audition for the role of 'Pinhead' in the remake of "Hellraiser"...
Unless you want to work at Hot Topic, a tattoo parlor, or a fast-food chain for the rest of your life- you should probably hold back on the tattoos and piercings. It might seem like a great plan now- but your body will tell you otherwise years down the road when you can't even recognize what your tattoos are anymore.
For those of you who are going to get a tattoo regardless of what I say, I will leave you with a few tips:
1) If you're fat, do not get tattoos on your back[fat], stomach, or chest. We all prefer to not see stretch marks in your tattoos.
2) Do not get tattoos about a culture or religion if you do not practice that culture or religion, it makes you look like a retard plug and it's extremely offensive.
3) Do not get tattoos on your face- the only character that can pull that off any facial decoration is 'Scar' from "The Lion King".. and that is because it's a paradigm to his role in the movie!
4) Tramp stamps are so 2000- Guys know it's just a place to aim, so get creative and start writing messages on the small of your back for him instead. It is cheaper, and washable!
5) NEVER get someone's name tattooed on your body. The only time I would advise that, is if they're dead. Then that person is less likely to fuck you over.
It's simple, ladies and gentleman. If you want to get a tattoo, make sure it has meaning and you aren't rushing into it. Once you get a tat, you can't go back! That shit is permanent. If you feel as if getting a tattoo would make you more of an individual- you're fucking ignorant. If you want to be an individual, you would go out and make your mark in the world by doing something noble- not by getting a tattoo. And if you're so inclined to be penetrated by a needle, donate blood- don't get a tat.
Until next time, peace out bitches. =)
Inspiration for this blog: Corey Schortzmann
***
It seems like everyday I'm out I notice more individuals with tattoos and body piercings. It has become a huge trend, especially with young adults and teens. I have seen body parts pierced that I didn't even know you COULD penetrate with a needle, and tattoos that get more ridiculous by the minute. People apparently do not put a lot of thought into their decision when it comes to how they treat their body. You would think a permanent addition to their flesh would phase them, but it doesn't.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a badass tattoo. As long as it is well thought out, and has sentimental value to it. I see pointless tattoos too often. The classic 'tribal' band that so many men think is cool. Which always has me raising the question to (in most cases) caucasian individual who has it- 'What tribe are you from, Tyler?'..... Then there is the classic butterfly tattoo that every other chick has, and here is how this conversation goes:
Me: Wow... Great tattoo (sarcasm), why did you get that tattoo?
Them: I got it because I TOTALLY love butterflies!
Me: Cool, what is your favorite species of butterflies?
Them: Ummm, I like the regular kind...
People obviously don't understand that when you alter your body like that it is with you forever. It affects you for the rest of your life. Changes like this have a chain reaction. It will determine how you are viewed in the public eye and social setting. Where you will be accepted in a workplace. And how your body looks everytime you look in the mirror.
The body changes everyday. You grow older- you get more fat, wrinkly, and hairy with time. This is especially true with women. Your body goes through changes that are even more drastic than men. We are the ovens for the babies we pop out of our pink panthers. Your stomach will endure more stretching out than a korean prostitutes va-jay at a weekend business seminar in LA. You might think the cute, small dove tattoo you get on your lower stomach was a good idea when you were skinny, and in your twenties. But as soon as you get knocked up and your stomach grows- that dove is going to look like a goddamn turkey! Not such a great plan now- right?...
As far as piercings go, I only find two places acceptable. Your ears, and your tongue. Ears, because it is traditional and isn't distracting. Tongue, because a stud is easily concealed, and is great for when you're going downtown on your boning buddy. Facial piercings aren't attractive, in any cirumstance. It started with the lip, nose, and eyebrow piercings. Then it expanded to the 'Marilyn Monroe' piercing- which is on the upper lip like a beauty mark. Then I started seeing the dimple piercings. Along with studs underneath the eye, in between the eyebrows- and the most ridiculous one is right above the tit...on the chest. What the fuck kind of shit is that? I get so annoyed by these off the wall piercings that I'm tempted to call up Magneto (google if you're a non-geek) because I know he would have a fucking blast throwing their metal faces around. I don't know about you guys, but I honestly cannot take someone seriously when they have so many facial piercings they look like they're about to audition for the role of 'Pinhead' in the remake of "Hellraiser"...
Unless you want to work at Hot Topic, a tattoo parlor, or a fast-food chain for the rest of your life- you should probably hold back on the tattoos and piercings. It might seem like a great plan now- but your body will tell you otherwise years down the road when you can't even recognize what your tattoos are anymore.
For those of you who are going to get a tattoo regardless of what I say, I will leave you with a few tips:
1) If you're fat, do not get tattoos on your back[fat], stomach, or chest. We all prefer to not see stretch marks in your tattoos.
2) Do not get tattoos about a culture or religion if you do not practice that culture or religion, it makes you look like a retard plug and it's extremely offensive.
3) Do not get tattoos on your face- the only character that can pull that off any facial decoration is 'Scar' from "The Lion King".. and that is because it's a paradigm to his role in the movie!
4) Tramp stamps are so 2000- Guys know it's just a place to aim, so get creative and start writing messages on the small of your back for him instead. It is cheaper, and washable!
5) NEVER get someone's name tattooed on your body. The only time I would advise that, is if they're dead. Then that person is less likely to fuck you over.
It's simple, ladies and gentleman. If you want to get a tattoo, make sure it has meaning and you aren't rushing into it. Once you get a tat, you can't go back! That shit is permanent. If you feel as if getting a tattoo would make you more of an individual- you're fucking ignorant. If you want to be an individual, you would go out and make your mark in the world by doing something noble- not by getting a tattoo. And if you're so inclined to be penetrated by a needle, donate blood- don't get a tat.
Until next time, peace out bitches. =)
Inspiration for this blog: Corey Schortzmann
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Chowchilla Trash: The Baby Pushers
Friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! And for my less intelligent friends- Sup bro, I've got the downlow..
So, I've decided to start a new blog. If you know my personality well enough, it should be apparent that I'm extremely blunt and outspoken and DO NOT sugar coat things, hence my blog name. I'm known for putting a funny spin on morbid events, and by morbid events... I mean life as we all know it in Chowchilla. My blogs will be vulgar and truthful, so if you're easily offended you probably shouldn't read them. The topics will be random, but I have a feeling that the absurdity of Chowchilla will have me going for the majority of my new blog. Enjoy.
***
Everyone should be well aware of the baby epidemic that has struck Chowchilla in the recent years. I was going through my senior year book with a friend and we wrote a list of everyone in our graduating class that is now a parent. Which not only includes the women in our class that popped a baby out of their lady business, but the men that have planted their seed in some unfortunate woman somewhere. Sadly enough, we knew the numbers would be ridiculous. But we were not expecting them to be over 3/4 of Chowchilla High's graduating class of 2007. Even more shocking news, the average of children per household is at two. TWO kids, for the average 21-22 year old parents here in Chowchilla. In the majority of these cases, the kids are being raised by a single parent. The younger classes aren't too far behind my class. The numbers of teenages pregnancies are increasing more every year.
I like to call these individuals the Baby Pushers (aka BP's, which I encourage you to call them from now on as well). They are easy to spot on Robertson Blvd. You see them all the time. The stereotypical 'Chowchilla Trash'. Young men and women, usually dressed in pajama's.. Pushing their baby in a stroller (because they can't afford a fucking car), cigarette in one hand, styrofoam cup from the local liquor store in another. You know what they look like, you've seen them a million times..
I become more angry with each BP I see everyday. Babies shouldn't be having babies. I don't think anyone around my age or younger should even be thinking about having children. You have an entire life to live and all of that changes when you have a child. You lose your childhood when you gain a child. Age isn't the only factor, financial responsibility is a huge part. If you don't have a stable job, and benefits- you have no business bringing a child into the world. The majority of the teenage parent's in Chowchilla rely on WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), foodstamps, medi-cal, and other forms of welfare provided by the state. They sit around on their ass, and 'take care of' their kids, collecting money from the state. If these parents had enough energy to penetrate a lady cave, or to spread their legs and let a jizz hurricane inside of them- they sure as hell should have enough energy to get off their lazy ass and go back to school or get a job to support THEIR child. California is not responsible for taking care of YOUR child. If you think you're mature enough to handle having sex, you need to be mature enough to handle the consequences. It's not that hard to cover your stump before you hump. And women should take the pill before they let a guy drill. Common sense...
It doesn't help that Chowchilla is so conservative when it comes to the topic of sex. It is rare for a parent to be open with their child about sex in this small community because everyone has such traditional values. So they get to take some of the blame. Parents should start talking to their kids about sex at a young age so they're prepared to make better choices in the future. Schools should also be more open to having seminars, discussion groups, and clubs that help promote safe sex. Kids should be aware of everything that factors into having sex. The good and the bad. If the parents and schools were more proactive when it came to the 'sex talk', the STD's and unwanted pregnancies in this town would decrease. I personally think Chowchilla should have a Planned Parenthood center. The truth is, the younger generation has reached new heights when it comes to sexual activity. It is impossible to stop, because they will find a way to have sex regardless of the circumstances. So make sure they're prepared, that's all we can do. They need to know that sex is cleaner with a packaged weiner. Women need to take the same precautions and get on some sort of birth control if they're planning on having sex. Guys should always be prepared. Don't make a mistake, and cover your snake!!
I'm tired of seeing all of these teenage parent's around town, collecting free shit from the state. If you don't have the resources to even take care of yourself, don't bring a child into the world. It's not fair to them, or to the tax payers of California. We all suffer in the end because of your douchebag mistake. I know how you all work the system. Pop out one kid after the other to get more from the state. It's bullshit. If I have to pass a drug test so I can work my ass off for the money I EARN, then you should have to pass a drug test to get free benefits from the State of California. If you can afford to buy cigarettes, pot, and alcohol- you don't need foodstamps, WIC, or medi-cal. It is pretty upsetting when I go to the grocery store to get my generic, cheap ass groceries- while you're in line getting steak, with all the trimmings, and a fucking cheesecake for dessert. I'm glad you're eating well on California's dime while the HARD WORKERS eat like peasants. Get off your ass, get a job, and take care of your family!
It's simple, ladies and gentleman. If you want to fuck- be responsible. Guys need to stop sticking their beefsticks in tacos if they don't wrap them. Ladies need to stop letting men inside of their hotpockets without a glove. No glove, no love.
If not, be prepared to live with the consequences- and learn how to raise your kid without help from the state.
Until next time, peace out bitches. =)
So, I've decided to start a new blog. If you know my personality well enough, it should be apparent that I'm extremely blunt and outspoken and DO NOT sugar coat things, hence my blog name. I'm known for putting a funny spin on morbid events, and by morbid events... I mean life as we all know it in Chowchilla. My blogs will be vulgar and truthful, so if you're easily offended you probably shouldn't read them. The topics will be random, but I have a feeling that the absurdity of Chowchilla will have me going for the majority of my new blog. Enjoy.
***
Everyone should be well aware of the baby epidemic that has struck Chowchilla in the recent years. I was going through my senior year book with a friend and we wrote a list of everyone in our graduating class that is now a parent. Which not only includes the women in our class that popped a baby out of their lady business, but the men that have planted their seed in some unfortunate woman somewhere. Sadly enough, we knew the numbers would be ridiculous. But we were not expecting them to be over 3/4 of Chowchilla High's graduating class of 2007. Even more shocking news, the average of children per household is at two. TWO kids, for the average 21-22 year old parents here in Chowchilla. In the majority of these cases, the kids are being raised by a single parent. The younger classes aren't too far behind my class. The numbers of teenages pregnancies are increasing more every year.
I like to call these individuals the Baby Pushers (aka BP's, which I encourage you to call them from now on as well). They are easy to spot on Robertson Blvd. You see them all the time. The stereotypical 'Chowchilla Trash'. Young men and women, usually dressed in pajama's.. Pushing their baby in a stroller (because they can't afford a fucking car), cigarette in one hand, styrofoam cup from the local liquor store in another. You know what they look like, you've seen them a million times..
I become more angry with each BP I see everyday. Babies shouldn't be having babies. I don't think anyone around my age or younger should even be thinking about having children. You have an entire life to live and all of that changes when you have a child. You lose your childhood when you gain a child. Age isn't the only factor, financial responsibility is a huge part. If you don't have a stable job, and benefits- you have no business bringing a child into the world. The majority of the teenage parent's in Chowchilla rely on WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), foodstamps, medi-cal, and other forms of welfare provided by the state. They sit around on their ass, and 'take care of' their kids, collecting money from the state. If these parents had enough energy to penetrate a lady cave, or to spread their legs and let a jizz hurricane inside of them- they sure as hell should have enough energy to get off their lazy ass and go back to school or get a job to support THEIR child. California is not responsible for taking care of YOUR child. If you think you're mature enough to handle having sex, you need to be mature enough to handle the consequences. It's not that hard to cover your stump before you hump. And women should take the pill before they let a guy drill. Common sense...
It doesn't help that Chowchilla is so conservative when it comes to the topic of sex. It is rare for a parent to be open with their child about sex in this small community because everyone has such traditional values. So they get to take some of the blame. Parents should start talking to their kids about sex at a young age so they're prepared to make better choices in the future. Schools should also be more open to having seminars, discussion groups, and clubs that help promote safe sex. Kids should be aware of everything that factors into having sex. The good and the bad. If the parents and schools were more proactive when it came to the 'sex talk', the STD's and unwanted pregnancies in this town would decrease. I personally think Chowchilla should have a Planned Parenthood center. The truth is, the younger generation has reached new heights when it comes to sexual activity. It is impossible to stop, because they will find a way to have sex regardless of the circumstances. So make sure they're prepared, that's all we can do. They need to know that sex is cleaner with a packaged weiner. Women need to take the same precautions and get on some sort of birth control if they're planning on having sex. Guys should always be prepared. Don't make a mistake, and cover your snake!!
I'm tired of seeing all of these teenage parent's around town, collecting free shit from the state. If you don't have the resources to even take care of yourself, don't bring a child into the world. It's not fair to them, or to the tax payers of California. We all suffer in the end because of your douchebag mistake. I know how you all work the system. Pop out one kid after the other to get more from the state. It's bullshit. If I have to pass a drug test so I can work my ass off for the money I EARN, then you should have to pass a drug test to get free benefits from the State of California. If you can afford to buy cigarettes, pot, and alcohol- you don't need foodstamps, WIC, or medi-cal. It is pretty upsetting when I go to the grocery store to get my generic, cheap ass groceries- while you're in line getting steak, with all the trimmings, and a fucking cheesecake for dessert. I'm glad you're eating well on California's dime while the HARD WORKERS eat like peasants. Get off your ass, get a job, and take care of your family!
It's simple, ladies and gentleman. If you want to fuck- be responsible. Guys need to stop sticking their beefsticks in tacos if they don't wrap them. Ladies need to stop letting men inside of their hotpockets without a glove. No glove, no love.
If not, be prepared to live with the consequences- and learn how to raise your kid without help from the state.
Until next time, peace out bitches. =)
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